Bachmann The Barbarian

Speaking of gay people and closets and homophobia:

There's been some attention being paid lately to Marcus Bachmann, creepy husband of hopeful Republican Presidential candidate and official dingbat Michele Bachmann.

Marcus Bachmann is a therapist whose clinic provides "reparative therapy" to us sick, disgusting gay people.  (This clinic also receives buckets of government money to deliver these nebulous services.  Then again, the Bachmann family farm - it was revealed recently - receives buckets of government money as well.  Which is pretty hypocritical for a such a "no government hand outs"-type of gal like Bachmann.  But that's another story.)

Here's what Marcus Bachmann had to say about gay people:

"We have to understand: barbarians need to be educated. They need to be disciplined. Just because someone feels it or thinks it doesn’t mean that we are supposed to go down that road. That’s what is called the sinful nature. We have a responsibility as parents and as authority figures not to encourage such thoughts and feelings from moving into the action steps…"

Isn't that charming?

What's even more disturbing is that when Marcus Bachmann opens his mouth to deliver these words, his purse falls out.  His voice sounds - as a friend pointed out - just like Corky St. Clair from "Waiting for Guffman".

"Gays are just bastard people!"

Now, I am certainly not suggesting that Marcus Bachmann is gay.  That would be insulting.  To gay people.  "Gay" implies that you are comfortable with yourself and your sexuality.  So, no, Marcus Bachmann is certainly not gay.  He's MARRIED, after all!  To a Christan hottie!

But he certainly seems obsessed with gay people.

He talks about gay people even more than me.  And I am gay.

Which reminds me of some other straight guys who liked to talk about gay people a lot.

Like Larry Craig - he of the wide stance and penchant for airport bathroom shenanigans.

Or George Alan Rekers, author of the repellent "Growing Up Straight: What Every Family Needs To Know About Homosexuality" and frequent customer of "Rentboy.com" for all his European travel needs.

All I'm saying is: when some straight guy starts talking about how to "fix" gay people, maybe they should really be trying to fix themselves.