Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Our Giving Tree

So, we used to have a great big eight-foot Douglas Fir Christmas Tree during the Holidays.

But a few years ago we decided to just cancel Christmas. 

It was very sad. 

And probably one of the best decisions we ever made.  Humbug!

Last year, we bought this little fake white plastic tree from Sears. 

It was totally on sale.

You know the kind of tree: the one you SWORE you would NEVER have in your house. 

Well, we have it!

With built in lights. 

It folds up like a beach umbrella for easy storage.

And since it can't die, we keep it up from November til, oh, around March. 

You know when people tell you to "keep Christmas in your hearts the whole year 'round"?

Well, we took that literally.

It's really just a light source after New Years. 

That's what I tell my therapist, anyway.

And a total source of amusement. 

Aren't Christmas trees sort of a pagan thing, anyway?  So why not have them year-round?

I was brought up Unitarian, so I'm kind of an honorary pagan, anyway.

This year we decorated our fake tree entirely with hunky, shirtless Mermen.

And tiny disco balls.

Did I mention we're gay?

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Some Shocking Statistics!!!

Everyone is up in arms lately because some guy took statistics from the Broadway League Demographic Report (whatever that is) and determined that, given the statistics, "theatre is primarily for white people".

Because, remember: the only theatre that TRULY matters is being done on one street in New York City

All the brown, pink, tan, beige, green and paisley people (or, "non-whites", as they are referred to in the report) apparently are into other art forms besides schlocky, crass, pandering, money-driven, bloated, star-fucking Broadway spectacles.

To me, this simply means that "non-white" people have better TASTE than "white" people.

In a similar report, 90% of "non-whites" responded that they would rather "be stuck in an elevator between floors with Newt Gingrich just after he ate a bean and cheese burrito" than sit thru "Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark".

89% of respondents said they would rather "drink battery acid" than listen to your bootleg recording of "A New Brain" while driving to Vermont.

And a whopping 99% stated they would rather "stick a knitting needle thru their forehead" than listen to your story about the time you bumped into Elaine Stritch in a deli on 47th at 2am and she was totally hammered and she told you this really dirty joke while you were waiting in line and you both laughed and laughed and then you helped her into a cab and she gave you a kiss on the cheek and told you to "never give up, kid" and that's why you just HAVE to do this crazy thing called THEATRE!!!!!!