I Google Myself

I do.

I admit it.

I'm just curious.

What are all the other John Kuntzes up to?

Like John Kuntz, the news photographer for the Cleveland Plaindealer?

Or the OTHER photographer named John Kuntz, who apparently is annoyed about being mistaken for the news photographer?

Or the kid who plays video games?

Or the deadhead musician on YouTube?

Or the strange, sad employee of the month?

Talk about Narcissism!

It's an endless crackling video pool, with a thousand little reflections.

I'm dead here.

I'm 15 there.

I'm running some faceless corporation over there.

They are all ME!

There's even another PLAYWRIGHT named John Kuntz (John B. Kuntz, that is), who has written for soap operas for many years and, apparently was the librettist for a musical named "Lady Aubrey's Fan".

And our identities have somehow merged on Wikipedia: Cyber Conjoined Twins.

And I even met this man, years ago, while performing a solo show.

He came because he saw my name. And it was his name, too.

I hear he came to see Starfuckers while I was doing the NY Fringe.

But we were sold out, and he was turned away.

And I never saw him again.

A Funnyhouse of endless Kuntz.

All the choices I never made.

All the things I never did.

All the mistakes I could have made. Or did. Or will.

Even stranger are the Images that pop up, like the one above.

Now what in the world does my name have to do with that?

And yet, there it is, somehow: two sexy gay anime video warriors, holding hands, bathed in pink, strapped into spandex.

And it changes daily, like a kaleidoscope.

And I know we all do it. We chase our Google doppelganger down this rabbit hole.

And I know what I'm trying to find: something about myself that I didn't know.

A surprise.

A satori.

I want the mirror to appear and say:

"yes, we are all doomed.

But for now, you're OK.

You exist.

Kuntz."