Hot Young Playwright

This theatre has all the hottest young playwrights.

There are no old playwrights to be found here.

they are young, and we have them

just for you

so you won't feel like a complete loser

they are SO young! 

and hungry

and...

uh...

(Pause)

this theatre has all the young, hot playwrights!

they are barely born, they're so young

they have the young fresh ideas that those young people have

bouncing around in those webby noggins

and my god are they up and coming

the next big thing

you haven't heard of them yet

but pretty soon, everyone will know about them

those hot young brash angry young playwrights

they're just so...

(long silence.  3 minutes AT LEAST, please!)

modern.

If they were a little more connected

they could be writing scripts for

"girls"

(you know?  lena dunham?  google her.)

or something like "girls"...

"girls 2: dunebuggies!"

or

"girls vs. zombies"

but they aren't writing for "girls"

so we have them locked in a basement

writing plays

for the stage

for the THEE-ATE-TER

So get 'em while they're young and hot and angry

those steaming fresh-faced scribes

they can barely walk

the cord was just cut

and we slapped them on the ass

and handed them a laptop

they are

unplugged

switched on

gurgling

uninsured

limber

crepuscular

and they will work

for

skittles

and

scrambled eggs.