Lily/Vegas/2Gents/Mercy/Voltaire&Frederic/SaltGirl

Lily's Revenge
Poppy Costume Design by Sarah Cubbage

 

This is last year, in a nutshell.

 

V&F in Toronto

Margaret Anne Brady as Flower Girl

Salt Girl Performance/discussion for
the Mass. Institute of Psychoanalysis

Mercy Hospital

Bruno, 2 Gents

Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas
The Tempest Workshop

Hot Young Playwright

This theatre has all the hottest young playwrights.

There are no old playwrights to be found here.

they are young, and we have them

just for you

so you won't feel like a complete loser

they are SO young! 

and hungry

and...

uh...

(Pause)

this theatre has all the young, hot playwrights!

they are barely born, they're so young

they have the young fresh ideas that those young people have

bouncing around in those webby noggins

and my god are they up and coming

the next big thing

you haven't heard of them yet

but pretty soon, everyone will know about them

those hot young brash angry young playwrights

they're just so...

(long silence.  3 minutes AT LEAST, please!)

modern.

If they were a little more connected

they could be writing scripts for

"girls"

(you know?  lena dunham?  google her.)

or something like "girls"...

"girls 2: dunebuggies!"

or

"girls vs. zombies"

but they aren't writing for "girls"

so we have them locked in a basement

writing plays

for the stage

for the THEE-ATE-TER

So get 'em while they're young and hot and angry

those steaming fresh-faced scribes

they can barely walk

the cord was just cut

and we slapped them on the ass

and handed them a laptop

they are

unplugged

switched on

gurgling

uninsured

limber

crepuscular

and they will work

for

skittles

and

scrambled eggs.

Fifty Shades of Dr. Seuss

(Lights up on Ana sitting in a whimsical armchair.  She is typing on an old-fashioned, whimsical type-writer.  Mr. Gray, in an equally whimsical hat, pops up behind her.)

Mr. Gray: 

I am Gray. 

(He disappears and pops up again on the other side) 

Gray, I say.

(He disappears again)

Ana: 

That Mr. Gray.  That Mr. Gray. 

I sort of like that Mr. Gray…

Mr. Gray: 

(Appearing again somewhere else)

I’d like us to date, don’t think I’m a jerk,

But first you must fill out some paper work.

Then we’ll have sex, what is your reply?

I’m not a hearts and flowers kind of guy…

Ana: 

I guess it’s ok, though lacking in form:

This seems like gratuitous Mommy porn.

(She signs the document, then...)

Mr. Gray: 

Would you like a little spank? 

Tell me, Tell me: please be frank.

Ana: 

I wouldn’t mind a little spank. 

And my name is Ana, it isn’t “Frank”.

Mr. Gray: 

Would you like it on your bum? 

Would you like your bum all numb?

Ana: 

Oh yes Oh yes, I would I say! 

Yes, I tell you, Mr. Gray!

Mr. Gray: 

Would you like your nipples clamped? 

In my dungeon, cold and damp?

Ana: 

If I said “No” I’d be mistook:

I’d sell no copies of this book!

Yes I’d like it on my bum,

do it while I suck my thumb!

Mr. Gray: 

(while spanking Ana)

Oh , the places you’ll go!

Oh the things you will see!

Just sign this pre-nup

And you’ll belong only to me!

(a long document scrolls out onto the floor.

He produces a huge, plumed fountain pen)

I’ll tease you with tozzlers and snuzz you with snoozlers.

I’ll even attempt to ba-bing your bamboozler!

I’ll twizzle your foozle and bang your shin-doodle

And then we can try that thing with the poodle!

Ana:

Oh Mr. Gray, what can I say?

All the other single men are either married or gay.

I’ll sign you your pre-nup, fast as can be

And oh all the kinky things I will see!

(Signing the document)

I’ll drood on your kuzzle , And wamp on your curd

And remember that “Twoozle!” will be our “safe word”

I’ll sneed on your snoozle, And kirk on your bloor

And we’ll spill lots of flizzle, All over your floor!

Mr. Gray: 

(After an inscrutable pause)

But alas my dear Ana, I cannot commit

In spite of your willingness to submit

I’m leaving you now, I will not come back

Ana: 

Oh say it’s not so, oh alas and alack!

Mr.Gray: 

And yet as I go, I feel such regret.

I will always remember this day that we met.

(He vanishes)

Ana: 

Someday, Mr Gray, you and I will be equals.

(She sits down at her typewriter again)

But not til I write 6 or 7 more sequels...

(She resumes writing.  Fade to gray.)