Sunday, June 9, 2013

80s Ladies

Pat Benatar has always been about transformation.

She's Rosie the Riveter falling asleep on the job, and dreaming she's a WWII flying ace, blasting Nazis in "Shadows in the Night".

Bam!  Now she's a small town runaway turned big city whore in "Love is a Battlefield".

Za-Boom!  Now she's a tortured dental patient turned sadistic hygienist in "Get Nervous".

Ka-Blam!  And now she's a poor girl with big dreams masqerading as a fashion maven in "Lipstick Lies".

Oh Pat.  Will you EVER be content?

I would hate to be Pat Benatar's roommate.  It would be like living with Jekyll and Hyde.

Pat also supplied the theme to the 80s film "The Legend of Billie Jean" (which is basically an extended Pat Benatar video).  In it, a good girl is falsely accused of a ridiculous crime that even a moron would realize she couldn't have done, goes on the lamb with Christian Slater and Yeardley Smith, creates this great new look by shaving half her head and wearing one dangly earring, and transforms into a badass renegade.

Oh Pat.  We WILL be Invincible!

Meanwhile, someone is always chasing after poor Kim Carnes. 

She's stalked by a killer after accidentally witnessing a murder in "Voyeur".

She's groped by unseen digits in "Invisible Hands".

"Bette Davis Eyes" is just full of dread.  It appears that she's in the One Hit Wonder Witness Protection Program, along with Sheila E and the girls from Vanity 6.

And "Draw of the Cards" is just plain weird.  What in the world is going on there? 

It's like Kim took peyote and just lost her fucking mind!!

Now, what does all this mean? 

Why is Pat forever changing, while Kim is chased and stalked and freaked out?

Is this the fate of the 80s female pop star?  To be an accidental rebel or a hapless victim?

What does all this say about Reagan and his blatant disregard of the AIDS crisis?

I'm not quite sure.

But one thing is certain.

They are both probably faring better than poor Dale Bozzio of "Missing Persons", who just did jail time a few years ago for animal cruelty stemming from her uncontrolled cat hoarding.

Destination Unknown Indeed. 

Oh my 80s ladies.  What happened to you?

Couldn't you all be more like Aimee Mann?  Look how great she did!  And she never even had to cut her hair.  It's the same as the "Voices Carry" video.

Meanwhile, Cyndi Lauper just won a Tony.

So, get it together now.

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