Wednesday, November 2, 2011

A krinkle PUBLIC krinkle krinkle SERVICE krinkle ANNOUNCEMENT

So, there's this new addition to seeing a play that I guess I'm going to have to get used to: people sitting behind me, loudly eating out of plastic bags.

Theatres now allow you to bring their concessions into the theatre.

This means we all get to enjoy listening to some moron crinkle their candy wrapper during the entire length of the play.

Recently, I strained to hear Audra McDonald sing over this lady eating a bag of rice crackers behind me.

Seriously.  RICE CRACKERS.  Does a more noisy snack exist in the universe?

Now, I suppose I really can't blame these people for eating the foods that the theatres have told them are OK to bring into the house.

And I understand that theatres need to make money on concessions.

But after TWO shows in a row being ruined by plastic bags crinkling, I would really like to take a moment to beg BEG the theatres to think carefully about the foods they are selling to their audience.

Sell QUIET foods.  PLEASE.

Fig Newtons.  Licorice.  Bananas. 

No Rice crackers.  No Pop Rocks.  No unshelled nuts.

And, under NO circumstances should you allow PLASTIC CRINKLEY BAGS into the theatre.

Here's what you should do:  when they buy the food, take it out of the bag FOR them and put it on a paper plate, or in a cup, or a napkin. 

BUT NO PLASTIC BAGS.  SERIOUSLY.  There is nothing worse than a plastic bag in an audience.

And I'm speaking as a performer too. 

The last thing you want to hear during your big death scene is someone digging thru their Cheeto bag.

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